Rez Me

My one-man raid experienced a full wipe thanks to an accidental discharge of an area effect cast. It pulled some epic pats; I didn't hold up for long. Since I hate taking blame, and there were no Pugs around, I blame the faulty, cheating Mobs that are around every corner in the dungeon of life. With great fortune, the opportunity has inspired me to completely re-roll my toon. You may have no idea what I'm talking about, but if you do, my glee for you is substantial. So here I am, starting out with a satchel, a bedroll, some random crap that won't be any good to me before long, and an empty book. What will I encounter first?

I woke up yesterday with the realization that I've been looking at everything the wrong way lately. My immediate conclusion to this was simple; anything that I don't have direct control over falls into the category called "retarded anyways." For example, gas prices? Retarded anyways. There's no need for concern at all. America's drastic recession? Retarded anyways. Youtube comments? The new Eminem Album? Fox news? Retarded anyways. Even the activation of the deadly Large Hadron Collider which will either tear the Earth apart and stuff it into a single atom or convert its entire mass into strange matter doesn't bother me, and that's merely a month away.

With this new outlook, I realize how frivolous the rest of the world seems. I wonder how others don't come to grips with this. These days, there are so many words and ideas that are so hard for society to take. I'm looking at you, terrorism, Christmas, and nanotechnology. With so many subjects considered tongue-in-cheek, and so many drones trying to be politically correct, I feel my new point of view will cause some of the most entertaining controversy and I relish that idea. I'm pretty sure that means I pose a dangerous threat to modern society. The men in black suits will someday bust down my door and chain me to a desk to use my rogue ways as intelligence to find other assholes like me so they can be taken to the proper authorities and decommissioned. Even then, I will rename all my captors to "Susie" and discuss events I've held with their mothers.

Of course, I assume too much. In reality I'll probably instead face either misinterpretation, or nobody reading this at all anyway.

As I mentioned, I had this light-seeing experience yesterday. That is, yesterday of writing this. Of course, I'm sure I won't post it for another two days. It will sit on my hard drive and witness several virus scans before I decide to publish it on the Intertron. I'm far too important and handsome to not procrastinate. You're witnessing a full restoration of the Lynk. It will be a slow process, like a dot-matrix printer, or the waitress at Denny's. Everything in my life seems so much better now that I'm not taking it seriously.