Thursday, January 24, 2008

The Sexbox and the Unknown

An infection of sorts has recently been allowed to permeate my sinuses and has granted me time to add a little more content to this work in progress. Today I'd like to talk about recent happenings in the media, the fundamental flaws in investigative reporting, and I will wrap it up with a gentle story about family togetherness. Please scroll slowly to continue.

For the better part of human history, bored, hungry journalists everywhere have been collecting their spoon-fed opinions and publishing them in whatever media they get paid for. This has been growing and contorting outwards increasingly over the past several years. Experts believe that by the year 2014, all news broadcasts will consist solely of name calling, randomly generated phrases, and hand-picked target audience sensationalism. I researched this for forty seconds this morning while brushing my hair, so I know what I am talking about.


Over the past two weeks, the buzzword of the news has been the cleverly pieced-together moniker, "Sexbox." This crafted title is a play on words, combining the dangerous word "sex," with the word "xbox," which is also known as "orgasmic-rape-simulator" in the more uppity professional fields. Mass Effect, which came out months ago, is stealing the spotlight due to graphic content. Experts and reporters and people with doctorates have been up in arms over full, completely customizable porn scenes that children can direct and play out their most wild fantasies over and over again. I believe what they are talking about is the two minute love scene that, depending on your subtle actions throughout the thirty hours of gameplay, might flash the side of a boob for a few seconds. In otherwords, think VH1's spring break, only with dignity, and less side boob.

I am unsure who started this entire debate; my first exposure to this was the highly unimportant Kevin McCullough, a columnist for townhall.com. It appears the article no longer exists within that domain, and it is a pity, I would love to show you all how not to cast the news. McCullough basically made accusations about the "realistic sex acts" embedded in the game, including homosexual activity that may turn our god-fearing world inside out. What he didn't mention was his lack of research or his understanding of the situation. Of course, Penny Arcade linked to his article, and thousands (if not more) gamers flooded his inbox and comments. He later posted a rebuttal for the comments in his blog, insulting gamers with name calling, and best of all, comparing his lack of research to a "strip club at the end of the block or hookers knocking at the door." Lastly, he issued an apology for his baseless rant, although it wasn't very convincing.

Fox news displayed a panel of uninformed, who's research consisted of a quick look at the Mass Effect website, verses Geoff Keighley, a game industry expert. Being Fox news, Keighley was only given a few sentences, while a psychology expert who again, had no experience and hardly any research under her belt, has the gall to call him "darling," after trying to push the dangers of sexism which aren't even relevant to Mass Effect. Frankly, I would be embarrassed if I went to discuss something I had no knowledge on for Fox News, but mostly due to the fact that I'd be on Fox News. Of course, the rest of the panel had no idea what they were talking about either, and passed the blame from one silly cliché to another. If a job could be that easy, I must be in the wrong industry.

It is very obvious that side boobs and naughty words and suggested themes and violence are training America's youth to be sadistic, murdering rapists. That part I am completely clear on. In fact, it's pretty obvious considering the fact that there had never been violence in the world until 1986, when Nintendo Entertainment Systems started to invade the homes of happy families. Oh wait, before that, the cinemas were blamed, and television, and rock and roll. Something must always be blamed to keep the little darling snowflakes safe.

In lighter news, I introduced my father to World of Warcraft. He has always been a fan of the Warcraft series (seemingly unlike most people who play World of Warcraft) and I think he is getting the hang of it. I've been playing on and off for a couple years now. I have several alternate characters, but my main is a loveable little gnome mage named Lynkmatic.


To celebrate my dad's arrival to Azeroth, I rolled Lynkovic, my gnome's evil warlock twin. I ran to the human starting area, predicting with accuracy that my dad would role a human warrior, and we did some questing before he decided to run off and explore on his own. It was fantastic.


My mother, being a video game hater, is completely against the idea, and suggests the idea that Satan might have his hand in all of this. I believe she falls for everything Fox News tells her.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Lynk Vs. The Zeitgeist

I hope everyone had an ebullient, spirited, but unscathed New Years. Personally, I brought in the new year by incorrectly scripting "2007" on my last check. I also discovered I LARP after three Red Bulls and half a pound of cheese. Moving on.

I don't normally give myself resolutions for the new year. Too often have I seen friends suffer through a year due to their incredibly strong will and an honest-sounding resolution, e.g., giving up all foods with high fructose corn syrup. It is a very worthy endeavor, but you starve yourself in the process. I prefer to give myself quests, with a mission here or there for good measure.

My first quest, as quixotic (I do hope you know that is my favorite word in the English language) as it sounds, is to become self-employed, part time. I want to buckle down hard and work on my art, and apply it all into a webcomic. I've done this before, but never for more than a month or two. I'd like to work at it, get a few dozen strips back-burned, and go live by the summer. My biggest concern was always periodic updates issued three times per week. Looking at the webcomic world, I realize that's a job for Penny-Arcade and Ctrl-Alt-Delete. Until I earn a living off it, I will have to work in my spare time, and updates won't be as uniform. Now that I am okay with that, I just need to get cracking, as they say.

My second quest is to continue my studies of the general moral and intellectual characteristics of the modern world. I am not a very proficient reader of the zeitgeist, and I plan to change that. More over, I plan to become increasingly gregarious in the process. While this has been planned for a long while, the details I've recently hashed out sound like they will garner better results. I've determined that it is strictly a state of mind leading to an issue of charisma, and adjusting my internal processing while in an unfamiliar situation is all I need to pitch my gnomic adages. That, and it's important to remember that the bibulous don't judge the next day.